The first balloon ever released...

The first balloon ever released...

Friday, June 13, 2014

My little sign of hope

Before I found out that I was pregnant with McKenna I had a vision one day while cooking dinner in the kitchen.  I am not someone who normally gets visions or anything like that.  It was extremely short, almost gone in a blink of an eye but it felt so real. I saw a little girl standing next to me at the stove, she was about 8 years old, her lips were moving but I could not hear what she was saying but somehow I knew what she was talking about, she was telling me about her day. In that less then a second moment I felt so much love for this little stranger. I was so happy to be talking about her day, watching her help me cook, feeling her love. As soon as it was over I took a double take to see if the little girl was still there but she was gone.

Not much longer after that I found out I was pregnant and was not surprised at all when we found out it was a girl. I knew that tiny vision was her giving me a sign of hope,  letting me know she was coming because we had been trying so hard to have another child, she was just waiting for the right moment to come and I am so glad she came when she did. 

I always looked forward to the day when she would be 8 years old, talking to me about her day while helping me cook and I could see that vision come to life and tell her all about it,  how she was my little sign of hope. I'm sad I didn't get it, I'm sad that I won't get to see in this life all the things she would have become, all the people she would have touched, all the memories we would have shared. I know we will be together again but at the moment time is not my friend and I miss her so much. 

I'm grateful for all the moments we did share though, I'm grateful for the crazy, messy, wild but sweet little ball of energy she was. I miss her voice, her laughter, her loudness. The house is so quiet without her.

She will always be my little sign of hope. Hope that one day we will be together, hope that one day I will hold her again and feel her tender embrace,  hope I will see that sweet smile, hope that I will get to raise her in heaven, hope that we will share more memories there,  hope that I will feel her love the love only a daughter and a mother can know. Hope is what I live for now, hope in knowing that families can be together forever no matter how far apart they may seem. Thank you Kenna Bear for always giving me and still giving me hope.

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