The first balloon ever released...

The first balloon ever released...

Friday, June 13, 2014

Mental status

I just want to clarify something for everyone, I have gotten a ton of messages from people who love me and are worried about my mental status because of what I write on Facebook. I understand your concerns and even appreciate your intentions to make sure I'm ok. Thank you, you are all so amazing and supportive,  I love your comments and messages. 

My writings of McKenna are not a white flag saying "I surrender and all is lost" that  could not be further from my true intentions. 

I write because I don't get to talk about McKenna very much during the day and I like to let her know I'm thinking about her.


I write because I'm not very good at expressing my feelings face to face and have always been better at "writing it out".


I write because there is no one to interrupt, change the subject, or distract me from sharing my feelings.  

I write because when I take the time to put all of my thoughts down by hand I get to really think about what I want to say and express what's on my heart. 

I write because it reminds me that I have a lot to be grateful for and helps me put things in perspective. 

But I mainly write to preserve her memory, to share a little piece of my Kenna Bear with everyone so all can know how amazing she is. To laugh at her craziness, to understand how she loved, to see that even if you didn't know her she was an amazing little angel and still is. 

Yes, life is tough right now. I still cry everyday and every night. I still feel awkward being out and about with people, I still feel depressed and mourn the loss of my daughter but there are happy moments too. 

My husband, my son, and both my daughter's are my life and even though a piece of the puzzle is missing and there is a hole in this families heart we are still moving, I wouldn't say moving forward just yet but we are moving and we are even more grateful for the time that we have together then ever before. 

We are broken but that is ok, there is a time and a place for everything and sometimes I don't feel the need to be funny, friendly,  or hide that I am hurting. Other times I just want to laugh, reminisce, or forget reality for a few minutes.. 

So just for your peace of mind here is proof that we are not always on the verge of tears, sometimes we are happy and that's ok too. 

Thanks again for your love and concerns. I really do love to read your comments and private messages. Thanks for letting me share my daughter with you.

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