Everything seems to be getting harder, I have actually been warned about this since day one but I guess I underestimated it's true power.
Nights are by far the worst, every night I find myself drowning in tears, a pain so deep like someone is literally drilling a hole through my chest, in my heart, and out my back. It's almost handicapping but as always your dad comes to save the day.
Last night as I laid there in my tears trying so hard to calm myself down he wrapped his arms around me and said "We're going to be OK Shannon, we are going to get through this, I will always be here for you, I am so proud of you, you are handling everything so well, everything is going to be alright." Your dad is a such a spiritual giant, I could never do this without him.
I can honestly say that NO ONE was as close as you two were. From day one you were a daddy's girl. I remember you being so tiny, too little to talk or walk, the moment daddy came home from work you just lit up, nothing but smiles and laughter. You would do anything for him. I never knew your dad could become so soft and squishy, he melted under your spell, you had him very tightly wrapped around your finger to the point where it was becoming a discipline problem. He could find no wrong in the tantrums and sass, he would just laugh and start tickeling you. You made his day everyday, you and your siblings.
He loves you so much and hurts just as deeply as I do, he just shows it in a different way. He stays strong for the family but when it is just us we share our deepest secrets, the unavoidable guilt, fears, pain, sorrows, regrets. Things we know we had no control over but still wish we did. Your loss is a heavy burden to bare but I'm grateful that I have your father by my side to hold me through this storm.
Thank you for teaching us so much about ourselves in this life, who would we be had we not met our little Kenna Bear? Thank you for showing me how deeply your daddy could love, how much patience, compassion, and care he could show. Because of you I got to see a new man build before me, one that is gentle and kind not just rough and tough with your brother. We both wondered what it would be like to have a baby girl after having dinosaur loving, superhero fighting, strongest boy ever Dominic.
We both thought it would be weird and possibly wouldn't even be very good at raising a little girly girl but you proved us wrong from the very first heartbeat, we both changed that day and we have both changed since you're last but only for the better my love.
Even though we're suffering now we have made goals in this family that we probably never would have even thought to achieve if it wasn't for you. Your always showing us new heights. You will always be our first born daughter, you will always be the biggest daddy's girl we've ever seen, you will always be our little guardian angel. We love and miss you so much.