Dreams

I dreamed about you last night but this one was different from the last one. 

In the last one I knew you were gone but in this one I was told that I had left you at daycare this whole time and they were just waiting for me to pick you up. They gave me a bill for over a $1000 to pay for having to watch you so long. I was so happy I paid them twice the price and picked you up. I just kept thinking to myself "I knew you weren't dead! I knew I wouldn't loose you to something as simple as drowning! I knew it!" I hugged and kissed you and took a million pictures. 

You were just as happy as you always were, as if nothing had ever happened, as if you were never gone. You kept trying to squirm out of my arms to go play but I wouldn't let it happen. I just kept holding you, kissing you, telling you how much I loved you and playing with you while still having you wrapped inside my arms. 

Then I woke up, I woke up with a smile and a wave of relief as I thought "I knew she was alive!"  I felt myself getting up to go run to your room... and then something didn't feel right. I saw the doll I have been sleeping with that reminds me of you and quickly realized the truth. Then came that too familiar pain in my heart and water in my eyes. The sting of death is a nasty one. 

I would rather dream of you every night and deal with you not being here when I wake up then not have any dreams of you at all. I pray for the dreams to keep coming, there so rare that I make a point to write them down when I get them so I can remember our time together. I love you baby girl, I have been replaying that dream over and over again today. It was great to see you and until we meet again,  these will be our new memories.